In the Family Centre, our aim is always to encourage and promote independence and growth of families, not to create dependence upon our limited resources which are very finite. We wish to encourage children and their caregivers to grow in family relationships so that they are nurturing for the child, to access appropriate resources such as social grants to which they are entitled, and to grow in relationship with God and dependence upon Him, rather than the MFC.
We always aim to grow meaningful relationships with each child that comes to the MFC. We want them to connect with their mentor, thereby having a trusting relationship with an adult who looks out for them and cares for them. It is therefore difficult when we realize that a family is able to function well without our involvement. We balance the relationships we have built with the child and their caregivers with their need to be independent.
When we see that a family is functioning well, we take a team decision to close with the family. We explain to the family that there are so many very needy children in the community that we need to make room for families who are needier than them. This is difficult for us, to say goodbye and to bring to a close years of work and involvement in a family’s life. This is also difficult for those children who enjoy attending the centre and have found good friends, spiritual support, and emotional support. However, it is part of our process and needs to be ongoing if we are going to grow and continue to help as many children in the community as God is calling us to.
Previously, we wrote about the “Z” family. They have been known to us for three years now. They are one such family with whom we have built significant relationships over the past three years. The children were orphaned after the death of their mother in early 2007. They were then cared for by their grandmother. The grandmother was elderly and rather frail. She died in December 2007, about four months after we had come to know the family. A woman from the community, Zandi, and her family offered to foster all of the children.
The children, now aged 16,13, 10, and 3 continue to live with Zandi and her family. The home has been extended and is comfortable and inviting. There are good relationships between the children and their caregivers. The children call Zandi “ma”. They have been receiving the Foster Care Grant for just over two years and this has certainly made a positive impact on the entire family. The grant enables the foster carer to provide for the physical needs of the children without putting the foster family under undue financial strain. This contributes significantly to the wellness of the children. This is evident in the way the children have adjusted to the foster care situation, to their ongoing progress at school, and to the positive relationships that they have developed with others at the Family Centre. They are in good health and by all accounts are happy.
Over the past three years we have helped in various ways. One child suffered sexual abuse, we accompanied the foster carer and child to the police station and provided support through the reporting process. That child received play therapy after the ordeal.
Another of the children was very involved in the Zulu dancing group and so developed a real sense of belonging in the Centre.
The youngest of the children has grown from an infant suffering from the loss of both her mother and grandmother in her 9 month old life, to a very vibrant and bubbly 3 and a half year old. She has attended the Early Childhood Development group for the duration of her time at the Family Centre.
The oldest child was very much affected by the multiple losses in her life. She also received play therapy. She has been through many different emotions and attitudes towards her foster mother as she has journeyed through adolescence. At present their relationship has developed into a good, close bond. They are able to communicate in a positive manner with one another.
They will be saying goodbye to the Family Centre at the end of August. It is with much sadness that we say farewell.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Ethembeni wedding
There were eight children ranging from 16 years down to 1½ years, five girls and three boys, living with their parents in the tiny two-roomed house. The mother was a shy, quiet woman, while the father was chatty, with a patch over the eye he had lost in a drunken brawl some years before. They had no income due to the fact that they were disabled by Aids and because despite repeated efforts to obtain an ID, the mother had not qualified to apply for grants for her children. Their sustenance came mainly from the vegetables the father grew in the garden next to the house.
Yet the moment we entered the house, we sensed an atmosphere of joy and peace. Joy and Wandile’s eyes lit up when they told how their lives had been changed since they had met the Lord. Wandile said glowingly: “ Since Jesus has come to live in this house, everything is so different ~ there are no arguments, the children are respectful and all of us go regularly to church as a family. There is peace and harmony here such as we never imagined could happen.” Their main desire was to get married in true Christian fashion, in the way God would honour.
Because it was none other than the Spirit that had prompted this desire, and because their motive was sincere, and because Wandile had been faithful to his partner and was the father of all eight children ( a rarity in the Zulu culture), we felt inspired to do everything we could to make this happen.
Grant set about liasing with Pastor Mjwara of the AoG Church in Mpophomeni, Tutu, my assistant got all the Ethembeni staff fired up, and Glenys sought out a smart suit for Wandile from amongst the second-hand clothing in the church basement. He was so excited when he tried it on and said: “All I need now is a pair of new sunglasses, a tie and socks!” That was all he ever asked for ~ Joy asked for nothing at all. It seemed appropriate that the five girls should be bridesmaids, and as the weather was still quite warm, I made the dresses without sleeves. I had already made the wedding gown, which fitted Joy beautifully.
However, time dragged on because of repeated failed efforts to obtain an ID, and I was beginning to worry as Winter was fast approaching. Anyway, on a chilly June, the great day finally came. Excitement filled the air and the weather was perfect. Kathy, Anne and two of the Ethembeni staff were already at the house to dress the bridal party. The neighbours had begun to congregate in the street as each bridesmaid was sent out into the sunshine to have their photos taken by Moses, our photographer. Tutu and Thembelihle helped the bride with her veil while Anne fixed the bridegroom’s tie, and I placed a folded new handkerchief in his breast pocket, and a chrysanthemum buttonhole on his jacket lapel.
Finally the couple appeared in the doorway to the chorus of loud ululation by the crowd which had swelled quite considerably in the street. Joy looked resplendent in her lace and tulle gown, and Wandile with head and face clean-shaven, looked quite dapper in his suit, sunglasses and white gloves!
In convoy, we drove to the Family Centre where a tent had been erected, I in the first car with all the bridesmaids waving their posies out the window and the hooter blaring through the streets of Mpophomeni. Anne followed with our two Zulu assistants, and Kathy came last with the bridal couple and two of the boys ~ also blaring the hooters!
By the way, while we waited those weeks for this event to take place, another baby girl had been born. At 2 months now, she was dressed in a warm white bunny suit for the occasion, and not to be outdone, the boys were provided with new jackets and shoes.
Thembelihle, bless her heart, had made herself an outfit to match the girls’ dresses, and had bought sufficient lime green chiffon and white lace to drape the rear of the tent. She had taught the girls a dance step to which they entered the service, to the keyboard music and singing, blaring through the sound systems. They looked very sweet as they entered, led by Thembelihle and little six year-old Minenhle. When the girls were seated, she went back and re-entered with the groom dancing at her side, and finally, she came in with the bride who walked sedately towards her man who met her halfway down the aisle.
Pastor Mjwara’s message to them was inspired and full of wise advice to the couple. There was the exchange of vows and rings, the kissing of the bride, and later, the cutting of the cake ~ all of which was somewhat foreign to the Zulu custom. However, the songs of praise and worship not only filled the tent, but rang out into the community beyond. During refreshments of cake and juice, there were speeches, and the bride and groom each shared their testimonies. I believe God smiled on that ceremony that day. I believe it was a witness of true commitment to one another and to God, to their children and to everyone who was present. We congratulate them for the stand they have taken, and may they continue to honour their commitment.
The celebration lasted until 3 pm when I took the bridal party back to their home, where their family were waiting to cook a meal and continue with the festivities.
A truly happy and God-glorifying day!
Nora Levang.
Yet the moment we entered the house, we sensed an atmosphere of joy and peace. Joy and Wandile’s eyes lit up when they told how their lives had been changed since they had met the Lord. Wandile said glowingly: “ Since Jesus has come to live in this house, everything is so different ~ there are no arguments, the children are respectful and all of us go regularly to church as a family. There is peace and harmony here such as we never imagined could happen.” Their main desire was to get married in true Christian fashion, in the way God would honour.
Because it was none other than the Spirit that had prompted this desire, and because their motive was sincere, and because Wandile had been faithful to his partner and was the father of all eight children ( a rarity in the Zulu culture), we felt inspired to do everything we could to make this happen.
Grant set about liasing with Pastor Mjwara of the AoG Church in Mpophomeni, Tutu, my assistant got all the Ethembeni staff fired up, and Glenys sought out a smart suit for Wandile from amongst the second-hand clothing in the church basement. He was so excited when he tried it on and said: “All I need now is a pair of new sunglasses, a tie and socks!” That was all he ever asked for ~ Joy asked for nothing at all. It seemed appropriate that the five girls should be bridesmaids, and as the weather was still quite warm, I made the dresses without sleeves. I had already made the wedding gown, which fitted Joy beautifully.
However, time dragged on because of repeated failed efforts to obtain an ID, and I was beginning to worry as Winter was fast approaching. Anyway, on a chilly June, the great day finally came. Excitement filled the air and the weather was perfect. Kathy, Anne and two of the Ethembeni staff were already at the house to dress the bridal party. The neighbours had begun to congregate in the street as each bridesmaid was sent out into the sunshine to have their photos taken by Moses, our photographer. Tutu and Thembelihle helped the bride with her veil while Anne fixed the bridegroom’s tie, and I placed a folded new handkerchief in his breast pocket, and a chrysanthemum buttonhole on his jacket lapel.
Finally the couple appeared in the doorway to the chorus of loud ululation by the crowd which had swelled quite considerably in the street. Joy looked resplendent in her lace and tulle gown, and Wandile with head and face clean-shaven, looked quite dapper in his suit, sunglasses and white gloves!
In convoy, we drove to the Family Centre where a tent had been erected, I in the first car with all the bridesmaids waving their posies out the window and the hooter blaring through the streets of Mpophomeni. Anne followed with our two Zulu assistants, and Kathy came last with the bridal couple and two of the boys ~ also blaring the hooters!
By the way, while we waited those weeks for this event to take place, another baby girl had been born. At 2 months now, she was dressed in a warm white bunny suit for the occasion, and not to be outdone, the boys were provided with new jackets and shoes.
Thembelihle, bless her heart, had made herself an outfit to match the girls’ dresses, and had bought sufficient lime green chiffon and white lace to drape the rear of the tent. She had taught the girls a dance step to which they entered the service, to the keyboard music and singing, blaring through the sound systems. They looked very sweet as they entered, led by Thembelihle and little six year-old Minenhle. When the girls were seated, she went back and re-entered with the groom dancing at her side, and finally, she came in with the bride who walked sedately towards her man who met her halfway down the aisle.
Pastor Mjwara’s message to them was inspired and full of wise advice to the couple. There was the exchange of vows and rings, the kissing of the bride, and later, the cutting of the cake ~ all of which was somewhat foreign to the Zulu custom. However, the songs of praise and worship not only filled the tent, but rang out into the community beyond. During refreshments of cake and juice, there were speeches, and the bride and groom each shared their testimonies. I believe God smiled on that ceremony that day. I believe it was a witness of true commitment to one another and to God, to their children and to everyone who was present. We congratulate them for the stand they have taken, and may they continue to honour their commitment.
The celebration lasted until 3 pm when I took the bridal party back to their home, where their family were waiting to cook a meal and continue with the festivities.
A truly happy and God-glorifying day!
Nora Levang.
Thembi
Thembelehle and I first visited this patient on the 27th January 2010. She and her two brothers had recently moved into the Qua Chief area, with none of them employed they had no food and so were both physically and morally very down. In the following 3 weeks Thembi was thrown out of the dwelling as the brothers were unhappy with her HIV status.
It was some 3-4 weeks later Thembelehle found Thembi in a shack – our subsequent visit was quite traumatic, she had only as much clothes as she could carry, no bed, blankets, utensils or stove – worst was the look of hopelessness and defeat in Thembi’s eyes.
At that visit we prayed for Thembi, prayed for material things. At this point I told Thembi that her name was in my prayer book and that God hears all prayers. Coincidently the following week Glynis asked me to list my patients with a brief summary of each one’s situation as her cell group wanted to pray for them. This resulted later in the month with pots, pans, bowls, a stove and then a week later a mattress, carpet and curtains – a neighbour gave a base for the mattress – WE SERVE A GREAT GOD.
Thembi asked for a Bible, which we supplied. It was so gratifying when she asked us if she could read a scripture Psalm 91 v 1 – “It is a good thing to give thanks to the Lord”..... Verse 5 “O Lord how great are thy works....”
It is very heart warming to visit Thembi these days, to pray and give thanks to the Lord for prayers answered. This lady has grown in confidence and her walk with Jesus – PRAISE THE LORD – OUR WONDERFUL PROVIDER.
It was some 3-4 weeks later Thembelehle found Thembi in a shack – our subsequent visit was quite traumatic, she had only as much clothes as she could carry, no bed, blankets, utensils or stove – worst was the look of hopelessness and defeat in Thembi’s eyes.
At that visit we prayed for Thembi, prayed for material things. At this point I told Thembi that her name was in my prayer book and that God hears all prayers. Coincidently the following week Glynis asked me to list my patients with a brief summary of each one’s situation as her cell group wanted to pray for them. This resulted later in the month with pots, pans, bowls, a stove and then a week later a mattress, carpet and curtains – a neighbour gave a base for the mattress – WE SERVE A GREAT GOD.
Thembi asked for a Bible, which we supplied. It was so gratifying when she asked us if she could read a scripture Psalm 91 v 1 – “It is a good thing to give thanks to the Lord”..... Verse 5 “O Lord how great are thy works....”
It is very heart warming to visit Thembi these days, to pray and give thanks to the Lord for prayers answered. This lady has grown in confidence and her walk with Jesus – PRAISE THE LORD – OUR WONDERFUL PROVIDER.
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